Lessons Learned in an Existential Year
“Diamonds are created from pressure”
There are many words that come to mind when you think about 2020: Exhausting, defeating, unprecedented, and terrible. The adjectives are never ending as are the never ending sad and chaotic events of this year from increasing polarization of our politics to America’s increasing strained race relations threatening the fabric of this nation to the skyrocketing unemployment and mental health forged by a ruthless pandemic. The burgeoning mortalities that were a steady reminder of a year we will never forget.
1. The Hardest Decisions may end up being the Easiest in the Long Run
When confronted with hard decisions, the choice we make should never be based on instant gratification. These choices should never be made for convenience but rather for our future even if it looks unforeseeable.
I’d like to set the scene for the start of my 2020 learning journey. It was the beginning of August 2019. I’d been in the Middle East for less than a week on my 1st deployment of my
Air Force career. Knowing my deployment could delay my graduation, I preemptively took courses all year around especially doubling up during winter breaks. I was determined to hear my name called in May 2020, and wanted to ensure that was my reality.
Fortunately, the base had an education center that was affiliated with the University of Maryland through the Global Campus in Europe. What’s even better, was that the courses offered were able to cover the requirements for my Computer Science degree. Due to the time constraints, I took all 4 classes at once.
This consumed nearly all of my free time during the deployment. Fast forward to the end of my deployment in January, and I only have 3 classes and a Capstone project standing in between me and my degree. Knowing how attainable my degree was both exciting and overwhelming. My path to graduation was clear but as man plans ,God laughs.
It was spring break, I was in my hometown enjoying quality time with my family when news of COVID-19 and the impending lockdown flooded our news cycles.
My Guard base asked for volunteers to assist in the COVID crisis response. I threw my name into the hat willing to serve should the need arise. Meanwhile, my school was transitioning to remote learning and I was looking to purchase a new car. I received a call around 6 pm on March 28th that the Rhode Island National Guard has been activated and they would like me to report. I had to make a decision within the next 10 minutes which would determine the next 10 months. There were countless factors to consider. It had barely been 2 months since I’d returned from the Middle East. The fatigue was fresh and I was still transitioning to civilian life and a new schedule. I said yes and consequentially was in an uber from Boston to Rhode Island with a new lease to start the Spring semester. That decision was pivotal in leading me to where I am today. It proved to be one of the best decisions I have ever made as it prompted me toward progression, evidenced by the purchase of my first new car, earning of bachelor’s degree on the Dean’s list, and development of new friendship that’ve improved my life, all while having a significant role in the battle against COVID19 in a sinking job market. I cannot imagine where I would be had I chose to stay home. What I know for certain as that I would not be on the path I am now. Here are the lessons the unexpected journey has taught me…
2. Cut out Complacent Friends
During this atypical year I forged an atypical friendship with my middle school history teacher. The last I had spoken to him was in high school after thanking him for scholarship he rewarded me. It started through a Facebook message from my teacher. The message was so unexpected because he was my least tech savvy teacher, and he’d fallen off the grid since retirement. Nonetheless he reached out with profound updates such as him losing a lot of his family and thus moving into a new residence. I offered to help him move along with some his friends. The move took place on a Thursday morning. It went off without a hitch until we weren’t able to access the building of his new residence. Apparently he lacked the signature showing the previous Condo board has confirmed receipt of all payments from the prior resident. The signature was missing and the lawyer for the seller did not bother to rectify the issue.
Since the paperwork was not completed, we had to wait for several hours with the Movers. In the meantime my history teacher was trying to reach his lawyer to no avail. This was not always the case. They have known each other for 30+ years and he had taught his kids. The lawyer had always been dependable up until recently when he has not been forthcoming nor answering his phone. My history teacher had expressed concerns over their recent communication however quickly redacted these concerns on the basis of their long-standing friendship.
On moving day we had waited over 3 hours with the only information being that their is an ongoing back and forth between the building’s lawyers and my history teacher’s lawyers. It’s important to note that while this is happening, my teacher is getting charged for every additional minute by the movers.
My history teacher’s lawyer leaves it at the “building lawyers are assholes” although to me it seemed he was avoiding the necessary hard work and what his mistakes had cost my history teacher.
As the movers could not stay long, my history teacher was forced to stay back the movers had to take the truck back with his belongings. He had wasted money, time, energy, and would have to move in at a later time all because of a lawyer who was a so called friend.
An example that hits close to home is the recent severing of ties with a family friend during Christmas break. She was indifferent to the COVID-19 pandemic and wanted to ignore the restrictions in order to live her “bet life”. It was disheartening to say the least to watch a close friend be so selfish as to want to live without regards for someone’s else’s health. This is the same family that had shared milestones with us such as birthdays, ski trips, weddings, and funerals. To know something like a virus could destroy such a bond was incomprehensible. This friend had taken our kindness for granted and preyed upon our discomfort and fear of the pandemic. Complacency is when your friends take you for granted and that’s when you know the friendship has passed it’s expiration date
3. Don’t bother Teaching Someone a Lesson
You can’t change human nature, we need to be reminded that more often than not. There is an inherent stubbornness in all of us. We can be too prideful to admit it but often we’d rather be right than change our opinions based on someone’s input. We change based on our experiences.
I cannot keep track of the number of times I have lost it on family members due to poor communication. My logic is “ if you can’t pick up your phone, why bother owning a phone?” I would not have a problem if one was guilty of not answering the phone yet showed they were dependable in person.
It becomes a problem when the communication issues transcend the phone and translate to in person interactions. While it may still irritate me, I am beginning to understand that someone’s actions on the phone don’t necessarily reflect their intentions as I had once fervently believed. I should know better when it comes to my own family and know they are distinguishable from my friends. It’s evident how far they have improved over the years. I have my own flaws that they have accepted and helped me in changing. That luxury is not reserved for friendships where you can pick and choose who your friends are but not your family.
When you are trying to teach someone a lesson, you are essentially forcing them to mature and it’s almost no different than a parent and their child. Change ultimately has to come from within. So while there may be a slow progression towards change, it’ll take time and there will be countless road bumps that will need to be worked through along the way.
Conclusion
Although we are leaving 2020 behind, the destruction and fallout of COVID-19 will be felt for generations to come. These challenges are still unknown but as I’ve seen the past year, we are ready to confront any challenge no matter the size with resilience and preparation. I mean, we already did it once in our lifetime in a Global pandemic.
